Hello Hello

Hello everyone 👋🏼 my pen name is Mackenzie Rummel. I so badly want to share my story, and for now the best way to do that is with a pen name to protect myself and my family. I am 31 years old living with my amazing husband, toddler, and two pitbulls. Some of what I will be sharing is some brain dumps or streams of consciousness, but a lot of what I want to share is the relationship I had with my mother.

Our relationship was terrible and in May of 2021 I finally went no contact. For a little over a decade, I knew something was wrong with her, but I didn't know what. I read about borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder, but the descriptions and behaviors I read about didn't totally fit. I tried so many different ways of connecting and communicating with her, but that didn't work either. Finally my best friend sent me a reel from an amazing life coach, Adriana Bucci, on Instagram. Adriana specializes in survivors of Narcissist Abuse. All the suffering in silence was finally heard. I finally found the label I have been searching for for over a decade, Narcissist, or more specifically Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

I have been very intimidated to share my story publicly, not only because my mother and step-father are still living, but also because of the kind of abuse I endured. Throughout my life I endured abuse and manipulation that when told out of context didn't see like a big deal. Whenever I shared an experience with another adult or even friends I got dismissed, because I was the child and she was the adult. Which is ironic because if you ACTUALLY knew her, you would know that it was really the other way around. After constantly getting dismissed I just gave up. I gave up trying to prove to people that I was right. A well crafted lie is much easier to believe than the truth, and my mother is one of the best liars I have ever met.

I wanted to share some of my stories, experiences, and thoughts because I want other adult children of abusive parents to know that you are NOT alone.

What you are experiencing is REAL.

NO, you are not being too dramatic, or sensitive, or making things up.

NO you do not need to be grateful for parents or caregivers providing you with meals and a structure over your head.

NO you do not owe them you're whole life, because you didn't ask to be born.

For a very long time I didn't know anyone else like me, and it wasn't until 2021 that I met other people with Narcissistic parents. Just simply knowing other people with the same type of parent as me, and hearing that they had the courage to go no-contact gave me all the permission I needed, along with my son being born.

When I first brought my son into the world, the first few months I was a mess. It ripped open so many old wounds I didn't even know I had, and the relationship I had with my mother changed, and not for the better. I was now responsible for raising a whole human, and it took so much emotional and mental energy (still does) that I didn't want to waste it on my mother. The best thing we can do for our children is heal ourselves, and going no-contact with my own mother was the first step towards that.

Since then I have been in therapy, began medication, and have learned so much about my own brain, body, and nervous system. I hope that when you read some of my content you can feel seen. You can be validated that what you are enduring IS NOT your fault. Expressing our emotions doesn't make us weak, it makes us human. Thank you for being here and especially if you made it this far into this very long introduction.

DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical professional and what I share should not be taken as medical advice. What I share are from my personal experience only. If you need more support please reach out to a healthcare professional.